Top Tips for Raising Boys: What I Wish I’d Known

Hi everyone! Welcome back to my blog. Today, I want to share my top tips for raising boys. For those who don’t know, I’m a proud mom of three wonderful sons: a 10-year-old, a 7-year-old, and a 4-year-old. Life in a house full of boys is always interesting, and I often get asked what it’s like. So, I thought I’d sit down and share some tips, along with a few things I wish I’d known when I first became a mom.

Before we dive in, let me start by saying that I’m not a fan of gender stereotyping. While my experiences are based on raising boys, many of these tips apply equally to raising girls. Parenting isn’t about rigid rules or fitting kids into categories—it’s about understanding and nurturing who they are as individuals. So, with that said, let’s get started!

1. Let Go of Gender Stereotypes

One of the most important lessons I’ve learned is to let go of gender stereotypes early. Just because you have a son doesn’t mean he can’t enjoy playing with dolls or dressing up. Kids naturally gravitate toward what they find interesting, and it’s our job as parents to encourage and nurture those interests.

For instance, one Christmas, I gave my son Jackson a dollhouse as his main present. He’s always loved playing with small characters and creating imaginative stories, so I knew he’d love it. However, I received so many comments questioning why I gave a boy a dollhouse. To me, it seemed ridiculous—why shouldn’t he have something he enjoys?

Another example is when my oldest son loved playing with baby buggies at playgroup. Every time we went, he would grab a buggy and run up and down with it, completely enthralled. So, I got him his own buggy and a doll to go with it. Even my husband, Matt, was initially unsure about this decision, but I reminded him that our son was simply mimicking what he saw. After all, Matt had spent plenty of time pushing our stroller, so it made perfect sense.

Children thrive when we support their interests, whether they love cars, fashion, dolls, sports, or anything else. What matters most is that they’re happy and confident in who they are.

2. Encourage Plenty of Physical Activity

If there’s one thing I’ve learned about raising boys, it’s that they need lots of physical activity. I often joke that my boys need daily walks like dogs because they have so much energy to burn! Getting outside and moving around can solve so many challenges, from bad moods to bedtime struggles.

In our family, mornings often start with a trip to the park to let the boys run around. It helps them release their energy and keeps them calmer for the rest of the day. We’ve also invested in a trampoline for our backyard, which has been a game-changer. Anytime they’re feeling restless, they can hop on and jump to their heart’s content.

When things start to feel chaotic at home, my advice is simple: take it outside. Whether it’s a walk, a bike ride, or just running around in the backyard, outdoor play can make a world of difference.

3. Allow Safe Rough-and-Tumble Play

When my oldest son turned four, I noticed a big change—he became fascinated with superheroes, pretend fighting, and wrestling. At first, I was puzzled because we hadn’t introduced toy weapons or violent shows, but I later learned that this behavior is entirely natural.

According to the book Raising Boys (which I highly recommend), boys experience a surge of testosterone around age four, just before starting school. This often manifests as a need for physical play, like wrestling or mock fighting. The book also notes another testosterone surge during puberty, making it important to provide safe outlets for this energy.

For my boys, wrestling with each other or with their dad has become a way to bond. While it may look chaotic, I’ve learned to let them roughhouse as long as no one gets hurt. Interestingly, rough-and-tumble play can even be a way for boys to show affection—it’s like a physical version of a hug!

If you’re navigating this stage, my advice is to encourage safe ways for your kids to release their energy. Sports, martial arts, or even just play-wrestling at home can help them channel their natural impulses in a positive way.

4. Teach Emotional Expression

One of the most important things I’ve learned is the value of teaching boys to express their emotions. Society often tells boys to “man up” or “stop crying,” but this mindset can be incredibly harmful. Boys experience the same emotions as girls, and they need to feel safe expressing them.

In our household, we avoid phrases like “don’t cry” or “don’t act like a girl.” Instead, we encourage our sons to talk about their feelings, cry when they need to, and seek support when they’re struggling.

This is especially important when you consider the long-term impact of suppressing emotions. Mental health struggles are a significant issue for men, and suicide is the leading cause of death for men under 45. By teaching our boys to express their feelings and seek help, we can give them the tools they need to navigate life’s challenges.

5. Instill Kindness, Sensitivity, and Humility

While some people assume that boys are less sensitive than girls, I’ve found the opposite to be true. My sons are incredibly caring and loving, both toward each other and others.

We make it a point to praise acts of kindness and empathy in our household. Whether it’s sharing a toy or comforting a sibling, these small moments are opportunities to reinforce the value of kindness. Additionally, we teach our boys to appreciate their privileges and stay humble. Gratitude and empathy are traits that will serve them well throughout their lives.

6. Provide Positive Male Role Models

Children learn by example, and having positive male role models is crucial for boys. Whether it’s a father, uncle, coach, or family friend, these figures can help shape their understanding of what it means to be a man.

When children reach their teenage years, they often look for role models outside their immediate family. As parents, we can help guide this process by exposing them to men who embody qualities like kindness, patience, and emotional intelligence.

Dealing with Comments About Raising All Boys

As a mom to only boys, I’ve heard my fair share of comments—from jokes about trying for a girl to outright pity. While these comments are often well-meaning, they can be hurtful, especially when my sons are present.

I’ll never forget one vacation when a waitress looked at my family and said, “All boys? You need to try for a girl!” My sons heard this, and it made me worry they’d feel less valued, as if having a daughter would make me happier.

If you’re someone who’s made a similar comment, I encourage you to think twice. Every child is special, and their gender doesn’t define their worth.

Final Thoughts

Raising boys has been an incredible journey filled with laughter, challenges, and growth. While the tips I’ve shared today are based on my personal experiences, I hope they resonate with you regardless of your child’s gender.

Thank you for reading, and I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments. What are your experiences with raising boys—or kids in general? Let’s keep the conversation going!